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Will anybody with brain put cricket World Cup in England, asks Mr. Mathrubootham

Respected Madam/Sir,

Whether you remember my nearby neighbour and friend Mr. Balaraman? Think think. You will remember. Retired bank employee fellow. Getting same pension as me. Same ditto. But non-stop purchasing items from Internet. Today Amazon. Tomorrow Flipkart. Day after tomorrow, TV. After that, microwave. One day I was doing evening walk and new luxury sofa set is being inserted into his front door.

One day after Seniors Intermediate Yoga I asked him, Balaraman, both of us are getting same pension, yes or no? Yes. We are both from middle-class family, yes or no? Yes. Both our fathers are not Nawab of Arcot, yes or no? Yes. Then rascal how you are purchasing all these items, like Dubai some petrol is there under your house?

He said, ha ha ha Mathrubootham, what nonsense you are talking. It is all because of investment and mutual funds and all. You should also try.

Madam/ sir, investment and mutual funds it seems. Chicanery, chicanery, 100% chicanery. When demonetisation happened, where you suddenly disappeared for two or three days, Balaraman? You think I am not noticing all these things?

You must be thinking, Mr. Mathrubootham, maybe Balaraman is indulging in criminal activities and black market and all. Should we inform police? Please madam/ sir, let us not spread any rumours. But if you can do something, please check. As a social service. I don’t care about other people’s life. My life is very good.

Two-three days back, I got one phone call from same Underworld Balaraman. He is in United Kingdom. He put one call on WhatsApp and said Mathrubootham how are you I am going for World Cup match. I said oho very good enjoy, I am watching on TV. He said what nonsense Mathrubootham, why you didn’t come with me to England and do overseas galatta.

Madam/ sir, why so many people think everybody is also living criminal lifestyle and have crores and crores at home? Sometimes Dr. Shankaramenon will say Mathrubootham buy one new iPhone no? Or Mohammad Usman will say Mathrubootham buy new Baleno or Duster or something? How many years you will drive old Santro, put it in museum.

Meanwhile, what is happening at home? At home for breakfast, Mrs. Mathrubootham is giving me end-piece of bread packet to save money.

But madam/ sir, finally who enjoyed World Cup? After spending lakhs and lakhs, Balaraman is sitting in stadium and watching rain falling and falling and falling. Will anybody with brain put cricket World Cup in England? It is like putting fish tank in public in Calcutta and then saying oh my god where is the fish and why is there curry smell coming?

Madam/ sir, shall I tell you how to watch cricket World Cup without spending naya paisa?

First you go to bathroom and switch on shower and sit on one stool. Now look at water flow for two hours. First class England climate feeling will come. Then you go to bedroom and watch Mrs. Mathrubootham running here and there with bedsheets. First class ground fellows running with tarpaulin feeling will come. Then Mrs. Mathrubootham will shout at you in pure Tamil non-stop for wasting water in the shower. First class Virat Kohli feeling will come.

Like that only these days I am enjoying World Cup fully free of charge. Any need for black money? Never.

Yours in total satisfaction,

J. Mathrubootham

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