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Very many happy returns of the Independence Day from Mr. Mathrubootham

Respected Madam/Sir,

Very many happy returns of the Independence Day to you. Kindly convey my regards to all the employees in your esteemed newspaper.

This morning I woke up from sleep promptly at 7 o’clock. Then after taking tiffin and coffee and all, I thought, ok Mr. Mathrubootham what to do now? How to celebrate Independence Day? I thought ok, maybe I will read some action novel by Alistair MacLean or Jack Higgins or similar party.

First, I am picking up superhit novel Thunder Point by Jack Higgins. Then I thought wait one second. Whether on August 15 any patriotic Indian should read novel in which British people are heroes? It is highest anyaayam in the history of all anyaayam.

Then I am looking and looking everywhere in the house and then suddenly I found under teapoy copy of Patriot Games by Tom Clancy. I said good, only Americans and Russians are there in this. No U.K. Very good. Proceed.

At that moment through the balcony, sound of patriotic song ‘Endru Thaniyum Indha’ from Kappalottiya Thamizhan began to come. Madam/ Sir, suddenly patriotic emotions are going through my body like tsunami. I said, “Kamalam, what is happening, where is music coming from?” She said, “Old man, flag-hoisting ceremony is going on in common area. Emotions are coming means why don’t you go to common area and join the society people?”

I said, “Fine, no need for lecture, this is home or Pachaiyappa’s College?”

As I am going down the stairs, images and thoughts of Nehru and Gandhi and Bose and Patel and Radhakrishnan and Rajaji are coming like anything. But when I reached common area what images are coming? Vadivelu, Vivek, Senthil and Goundamani.

Madam/ Sir, chaos means total chaos. First of all audio system is not working properly. Means ‘Endru Thaniyum Indha’ is playing again and again and again and again. I told chief organiser Dr. Shankaramenon, my god, this is the worst song in the world, whether Tamizhan is driving kappal to escape from this song?

He said, “Mr. Mathrubootham, whether you will only complain or you will do some work also?” I said, “What work is there?” He said, “Have you seen flagpole? It is leaning to one side by 45 degrees. Humiliation for whole society.” I said, “Ok, ok, no problem I will help.” Meanwhile ‘Endra Thaniyum Indha’ is playing 4565th time.

After 45 minutes, flagpole became straight after we put some stones and rocks and one small child for support of flagpole. And then Mrs. D’Costa came running with flag in one bundle. I said, “What happened to flag.” She said, “Sorry for delay, I was putting flowers inside for patriotic shower of petals.” We said, “Superb, good effort, besh, shabash and such things.”

After that we switched off electricity connection to music device. Madam/ Sir, when song is stopping, more enjoyment came than 1947 when British left.

After that we sang national anthem and then Dr. Shankaramenon pulled the rope and flag bundle went up. Then he pulled and pulled and pulled but nothing. Flag is still bundle. Then I pulled. Bundle. Then Mrs. D’Costa pulled. Bundle. Twenty minutes everyone is pulling. Bundle bundle bundle. “Mrs. D’Costa, what happened to flag,” I asked. She said, “Mr. Mathrubootham, I think it is because of super glue. Please excuse my mistake. I forgot to purchase flowers yesterday. So early morning I sat and made flowers using colour paper and super glue. Maybe glue has gone into flag and it is stuck into bundle. I am so sorry.”

I said, “Oh god, ok I will go and find flag somewhere in housing society.” Finally, at 1 p.m. we found one flag with Mahendra Singh Dhoni face. We did flag hoisting and after that Dr. Shankaramenon went to get chocolate from the fridge.

Unfortunately, due to switching off electricity to stop music, fridge in society office also switched off. Chocolate is now turned into Bournvita.

Madam/ Sir, moral of the story is simple. How this country lasted for so many years? God only knows.

Yours in exasperation,

J. Mathrubootham

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